Dear Reader

Location still unknown. No idea when will it arrive, the someday I'm looking for. But one day it will, that's for sure.
Till then keep hoping, keep meeting new people, keep the you in yourself alive.
There are confused people out there, trying to confuse you too, into making you believe they are the end of your wait, they are that someday, even without them knowing they can be both devastating and everything to you.
Watch out for the pretty ones, and you'll do just fine. Keep your ticket and wait for your train.

When you just stare

I remember the moment when I caught myself staring at nothing. What was I thinking, and what was I staring at, how did it remind me of what I was think about. I ended up staring at the screen of my phone while writing this blog.
It can be a realisation, an unfolding in your life, a discovery if I say, which can change the course of your life, or just leave you confused again.
Why do we have hopes? Only to lose it again? When we know the best that it hurts and we tell others the very same, again and again. Only to get reminded by somebody that hey you're not that important to the person as much as you think. It's fine, you misunderstood and now you know. But the unveiling could be more subtle, life can be rough about it. Whatever works, works.
Staring at nothing to try to figure it all out is the most pointlessly life-changing thing there is. But when you get it, it feels heavy in your head and in your heart. It was your fault though, you messed it up. If you had a choice you'd never met yourself again. But got to live with it. There has to be someone out there who gets you, right? You're not the worst person out there. Even if you are there should be an equally worse one for you.
But you know what, that person certainly won't appear from that nothingness you are staring at.

It hurts

When somebody is not the one you expected, and is not there for you when you need them the most, it hurts.
When you feel all alone, and you're not able to share the feeling with your best friend, it hurts.

But when because of the hurt, you cause pain to the very person you want to protect the most in the world, your hope, your last resort binding you with sanity, it causes an unimaginable pain.

Can you promise the person that you'll never let go, never make her sad, never ever make her feel alone, when you're the one responsible for it? If you can then you're a sad excuse for a human. Flawed being with hypocritical determination. You're worse than the scumbags you told her which are not worth her. Because you show her a dream and take it away.

Finding Courage

There are things we are afraid of doing. Not always because it's scary or dangerous, because of this "what if" in your mind.

What if she didn't like me back?
What if it ruins our friendship?
What if she has a boyfriend?

You know what will happen if you don't move forward?

She won't know if you like her.
She will know you're good with friendship.
You won't be hers.

My friend set out and did it. He had zero expectations but it turned out good.
So go out and do what you're afraid of. Because if you don't, it will definitely turn true.

Difficult to explain

Everybody feels jealous of something or someone sometime. We are all humans. It may not be because we can't have what we want, or it triggered an impulse desire. It's more to do with how much you really need the person/object, but very well know it can't be yours with the half-hearted resolve you have.

It's ok to be jealous. But it is important to acknowledge it and get it out of your system. It's even better if the POI knows it.

It will be alright

Sometimes when you have a problem, you are not looking for a solution because you know what the solution is. It's just difficult to choose and go through with it.
In those times you are not looking for a solution from somebody because you don't want to look for one. Assurance works just fine that everything will be alright.

Watch your step

If you are feeling sad then exercising, training helps really well. But walking is a bad idea, especially in traffic. It's just difficult to focus on the destination, because it looks blurry. Not just because of the teary eyes or daydreaming, but also because of this inner feeling for something different to happen.

That something could be an object in a store, a really beautiful girl/boy, or a near miss experience.
It is not the same feeling as harming oneself, it's something like a need to wake up, to return to the real world.

Be careful, it's game over and perma-ban in real world if you are not.

Choose wisely

If one apple is rotten among the hundred you have seen, then it doesn't mean that all apples are bad.
Even if all hundred apples are rotten it doesn't mean that all apples are the same. It just means that you have poor choice in apples. Just take a break and pick again.

Hop in!

Life is like a journey.
You will get frequent bumps and flat tyres. Don't worry, somebody will be there to fix them for you.
Pickup hitchhikers along the way, but remember they'll not stay for long.
Choose whichever path you like and enjoy your ride, but don't waste your fuel. The destination will still be the same but you may not like the alternative mode of transport.

Too bright

In a world full of grey people, there are a few who are colorful. They are so vibrant and luminous that they shine their light on the people who are near them.
You can gather around these colorful few and can easily glow. However, you will not be emitting the light. Your shine will disappear once you move away from the source.

Brace yourself though. Prepare for the pain if you're going to chase the colors. It will become difficult with time to be away from the light. Should you continue chasing it? You could get zapped like a fly. Or worse, make them realize that your gray is making them lose their vibrance.

I still chase after that light, which is too bright to approach.

Hello Door

You can't keep knocking on the door, because some people just want to be left alone. Just one good knock is enough, to make them feel your presence. Let them know that there is someone who needs, and is there for them. Sit and wait beside the door. If that knock was sincere and was able to carry your feelings, then your feelings will reach them. You just have to stand by and wait for them to open.

It's not as easy as it sounds. It is possible that they have locked themselves up so deep that they can't hear you at all. Does this mean you have to let go? Leave that door and.. lock yourself up?
It is up to you. Only you can understand yourself and make that decision. Only you know if there is something else other than the door in your world.

Don't forget the door, whether you're near it or not. Because if you hear a cry for help then you got to barge in. If you don't answer the cry, then you deserved to be locked out.

About me

I never could decide what I wanted to be in life. I just felt mesmerized by things around me.
Years later, I ended up collecting all those skills like a little kid on a beach collects sea-shells. Constantly being shown my place in each of those areas left me puzzled and made me rethink my decisions. I decided to choose gaming industry in the end as it is something I believe favors us Jacks.

Falling and getting back up was all I ever did in relations. At 26 I finally jotted down some of my negativity into this blog. (What does gaming has to do with this blog? Beats me.)

Dear Reader, I wish 'Approaching Someday' can keep you engaged for a while. Welcome to my messy little head. Take a seat. :)