Dear Reader

Location still unknown. No idea when will it arrive, the someday I'm looking for. But one day it will, that's for sure.
Till then keep hoping, keep meeting new people, keep the you in yourself alive.
There are confused people out there, trying to confuse you too, into making you believe they are the end of your wait, they are that someday, even without them knowing they can be both devastating and everything to you.
Watch out for the pretty ones, and you'll do just fine. Keep your ticket and wait for your train.

When you just stare

I remember the moment when I caught myself staring at nothing. What was I thinking, and what was I staring at, how did it remind me of what I was think about. I ended up staring at the screen of my phone while writing this blog.
It can be a realisation, an unfolding in your life, a discovery if I say, which can change the course of your life, or just leave you confused again.
Why do we have hopes? Only to lose it again? When we know the best that it hurts and we tell others the very same, again and again. Only to get reminded by somebody that hey you're not that important to the person as much as you think. It's fine, you misunderstood and now you know. But the unveiling could be more subtle, life can be rough about it. Whatever works, works.
Staring at nothing to try to figure it all out is the most pointlessly life-changing thing there is. But when you get it, it feels heavy in your head and in your heart. It was your fault though, you messed it up. If you had a choice you'd never met yourself again. But got to live with it. There has to be someone out there who gets you, right? You're not the worst person out there. Even if you are there should be an equally worse one for you.
But you know what, that person certainly won't appear from that nothingness you are staring at.

It hurts

When somebody is not the one you expected, and is not there for you when you need them the most, it hurts.
When you feel all alone, and you're not able to share the feeling with your best friend, it hurts.

But when because of the hurt, you cause pain to the very person you want to protect the most in the world, your hope, your last resort binding you with sanity, it causes an unimaginable pain.

Can you promise the person that you'll never let go, never make her sad, never ever make her feel alone, when you're the one responsible for it? If you can then you're a sad excuse for a human. Flawed being with hypocritical determination. You're worse than the scumbags you told her which are not worth her. Because you show her a dream and take it away.

Finding Courage

There are things we are afraid of doing. Not always because it's scary or dangerous, because of this "what if" in your mind.

What if she didn't like me back?
What if it ruins our friendship?
What if she has a boyfriend?

You know what will happen if you don't move forward?

She won't know if you like her.
She will know you're good with friendship.
You won't be hers.

My friend set out and did it. He had zero expectations but it turned out good.
So go out and do what you're afraid of. Because if you don't, it will definitely turn true.

Difficult to explain

Everybody feels jealous of something or someone sometime. We are all humans. It may not be because we can't have what we want, or it triggered an impulse desire. It's more to do with how much you really need the person/object, but very well know it can't be yours with the half-hearted resolve you have.

It's ok to be jealous. But it is important to acknowledge it and get it out of your system. It's even better if the POI knows it.

It will be alright

Sometimes when you have a problem, you are not looking for a solution because you know what the solution is. It's just difficult to choose and go through with it.
In those times you are not looking for a solution from somebody because you don't want to look for one. Assurance works just fine that everything will be alright.