Lucid Dreaming

Lucid Dreaming needs no explanation if your mind is able to handle this blog's content.

It is able to realize that you're in a dream, and control it.

Today, an hour ago from writing this blog post, I was having broken dreams. They were all in first person and I couldn't see myself in the dream.

One of them was operating a website trying to delete two posts from my imgur account. I got really scared that I've accidentally uploaded it and it might leak out. I was able to delete one post and I couldn't find the last post to delete. I got so scared that I realized it's a dream.

Next dream was watching an award function. I did seem to know the faces, probably Bollywood actors, but their faces were a bit blurry.

I realized it's a dream but there was too much data and I was indoors and I didn't get to try anything here.

Lucky for me it transitioned to a different scene where I was with one of the female actors in a small place. This was the best moment to try manipulating the dream. I tried to change her face to my crush, but I could not provide sufficient data and her face changed to someone looking like my crush. This was my first success (mostly).

Second was that I was able to introduce a new object in the scene and interact with her. This felt so amazing that I was smiling in real and I could feel it. If you have experienced that in your sleep then you know it doesn't end well, and the dream ends.

I tried getting my hands to appear but it didn't seem to work and dream got back to the award function.

Third thing I was able to do was change the whole dream something like switching a channel. I was trying to get an open environment with fields, trees, mountains, but  got a static like changing of a TV channel then I could see a Windows XP wallpaper I think which did have the aforementioned objects.

Then the dream ended, and I woke up to just document my success of controlling a lucid dream.

I will remember this feeling for a long time, and maybe I could control more lucid dreams.

Who would you rather be?

If you could be anyone in the world, who would you rather be?

Someone strong, someone smart, big or fast, rich or skilled, beautiful or rough, the list goes on and on.

If there was a time limit to this wish, most would answer with rich, unless they have actually felt bullied for not having one of these qualities.

Does that mean these qualities are a necessity? Maybe yes.

Does it mean if you were average, and you couldn't choose becoming rich, the other options might be less meaningful? Why does being rich feels so important? So you could buy everything money could buy. But then what? Isn't the reason you would wish for being rich is that you have heard or seen about the leisures a certain rich person enjoys? Won't your friends be jealous of you? Cursing you and your luck? Try not to invite you in few gatherings, time and time remind you about your money, make those jokes which only your other friends would laugh at?

Isn't that similar to abolishing someone? Would being abolished by your friends be worth it?

Won't your family share your success story with your similar-aged-cousins and siblings? Would that be psychologically acceptable by them? Would they be able to cope up with this pressure? Would they be able to truly treat you like an equal without being humbled inside?

Is money worth it?

You could disagree with me that I'm being negative, and your friends are your buddies for life, and how your family share and unbreakable bond. I hope I am.

But I would go back to first question now. If your friends and family are so perfect, then why do you want to be someone else?

BAFF Model for understanding oneself

This is my model for understanding your true self, meeting the person on the other side of the mirror.

What do you feel when you're alone after a long time?

B. Boredom?

A. Anxiety?

F. Fear?

F. Freedom?

It could be a different answer for a different person, but it won't be that far from these four options.

B. Boredom

You're a social animal. For good or bad things you tend to look back on your shoulders so you can share them and get acknowledged for being normal.

You're part of the crowd, and would probably take everything mentioned in this section negatively because it is not the global response you get for yourself.

A. Anxiety

You've always been around people, but not because you can't survive without company, it's because your shell is not broken yet.

Just take a deep dive in the ocean, and you can swim across the world.

F. Fear

You've been pampered for a long time, and you need people around you to feel complete. You have yet to understand your own self.

What are you? You have to find out. It's a tough place to be in.

F. Freedom

Why so?

Perception?

Deception?

Susception?

No. Imagination.

If you also chose this then your mind is a prison of ideas trying to escape. It's upto you how to resolve this situation, groom the idea and release it in the world to make itself known.

Entity

Almost everyone was aware of me.

Most of them knew my name.

Some of them wrote about me.

Few of them had ever talked to me.

A handful of people knew me personally.

I could count my friends and families on my fingers.

Only one person was close enough to understand me.

Getting back to working on my first song

I wrote it when I was in college in 2012. First draft of the lyrics just came out like flowing water, and I could feel a sense of achievement. The guitar chords weren't so great, open chords rarely are. The song structure was entirely missing, I didn't know what it was back then.

It was like one verse after the other, 8-9 altogether. There was the last section which could be called a chorus, I wrote it like after the chorus, there was a verse, then a bridge to chorus again. I didn't know if other songs did that but I didn't care.

The sad part was that the whole song was those 4 guitar open chords, the verse and chords only had a slightly different weight I put on the strumming.

Yesterday I was testing my condenser mic, and after 8 years I looked back at the lyrics I had.

I pulled an all-nighter and referred summer of 69's structure to restructure my song.

I was surprised at the result, after just an hour I had a good song structure. I was missing intro, outro, but I'd need to play an instrument to actually get that right.

The problem was again the music. I play alone, and can barely handle my acoustic guitar, my piano skills are beginner level. I tried to have closer pitched chords for the chorus, but obviously it didn't work. Then I began to wonder that when I sing the song according to the original chords, in the tuner I can see 2 tones higher chords than the guitar chords I was playing. I checked the tuner with a couple other songs and the difference felt the same.

(Now bare with me I may be on the verge of reinventing the wheel, and probably would miss by miles, but hey there's so much spoonfeeding around tutorials and videos that I don't really get the sense of accomplishment.)

I noted down the chords I was singing in the original version, and then matched it with the original chords. I know that was like comparing tabs with chords, but it made a little sense and it made me happy.

I began to picturize the song, where it would take place, and what kind of pace it would need so that it could help with the music a little.

In the end I couldn't come up with any new chords for the chorus, and while editing lyrics and updating song structure took me just an hour, the investigation and composing music took the rest of the night. But with no results.

The pursuit has not ended, I'll get back to it soon enough once I get a new inspiration or a jingle in my mind.

Hey at least I got back to painting my wooden katana finally, so that's a win.

Aren't you the only one

Kehte hai duniya badi hai, log kai hai, hazaron manzile hai.

Sab kuchh naya hai, sab kuchh juda hai, har ek rahgir yaha khushnuma hai.

Dil dhadka hai lekin jab, ek hi chehra nazar aaya.

Laankhon ki bheedh mein, koi aur raas na aaya.

Tab yeh laga hai, ke ye duniya simat si gayi hai.

Tab yeh laga hai, ke ye duniya tu hi toh nahi hai.

Tu hi toh nahi hai, tu hi toh nahi hai.

Tu hi toh nahi hai, tu hi toh nahi hai.

x-x-x

English translation:

They say it's a big world, filled with people, with thousands of destinations.

Everything is new, everything is different, every traveler is pleasant.

But when a heart beats for someone, only one face showed up.

Among millions, nobody felt the same.

Then it felt like, the world just shrunk.

Then it felt like, this whole world, aren't you the only one.

Aren't you the only one, aren't you the only one.

Aren't you the only one, aren't you the only one.

x-x-x

Hindi posts

Hindi ek jatil bhasha hai. Kintu mujhe gyaat hai, aur meri Soch ki pratham bhasha hai aur mujhe upyog bhi Karni Chahiye.

Lekin humne itni Urdu shuru mein istemaal Kar li, ki shuddh Hindi aaj kal ke achhe Hindi gaano ki Tarah ho gayi hai - badi mushkil se milti hai.

Aajkal English bhi mix ho gayi hai, aur log aapas mein ek sentence bhi communicate nahi kar pate bina English use kiye.

Problem ye hai ki use toh mein kar lu, log padh bhi le, par content ko chot lagti hai. English words yaha jeet jate hai.

Par koi baat nahi, thode bahut toh likh hi sakta hu.

Socha tha lyrics likhna phir shuru karu. Is baar share hi kar du.

Likha hai pehle bhi. Khat nahi, par online ka zamana hai, bayaan kar diya tha. Iraade mazboot the, toh izhar bhi mazbooti se kiya tha. Chahat adhoori thi, lekin ikraar bakhoobi kiya tha.

Socha na tha us samay, ki ye subah bhi aayegi. Aankhen khuli rahengi mez par, subah bhi jaag jaayegi. Jo 18 ghante jaddojehad mein laga rehta tha kuchh ikhtiyar karne ki firak mein, woh ek minute bhi gin gin kar kaatega.

Dosti hai aapas mein meri khud se aaj, socha na tha us samay ki yeh subah bhi aayegi.

This post is written in Hindi, Urdu, and regular Urdu-mixed-Hindi, but in roman script so it maybe difficult to translate. Sorry reader but devnagri script (for Hindi) is difficult to write or read from phone.

Neutral

I remember when I used to diligently follow FIFA world cup. I used to defend My favourite team and adore the stars. Passion is not the word I will use for it. It was a sense of being one with them, feeling the proud with their achievements.

When we have something we feel this undivided affection towards, we feel what they feel, and keep obsessing about them.

When we recently escape from a tough situation, obsession is lost, affection is lost, 'passion' is lost. What is gained is anxiety of losing everything dear to you, and more than that we gain a distrust over our own beliefs.

Try to follow my train of thought, I don't mean to compare passion or affection with love. It's the distrust over own beliefs, the doubt which starts growing inside our own like a cancer which starts engulfing your whole character.

World is a tough place. It is indeed a stage and we're actors, as so wisely said. But it's also filled with billions of different personalities. Each personality has their own opinion, perception, dreams. Each dream is an opportunity, that they might be compatible with you. And maybe there might be a 0.0001% chance the compatibility lasts for a long time. :)